The PostRailsMonkey Manifesto

require 'lgenerator'

generator = Generator.new do |g|
  g.start :body

  body.do {|e| e[:pointnum] = 0 }
  body.is :title, :points

  title.is "The ", :movement, " Manifesto:\n"

  movement.is do |e|
    r = ([:movement_prefix] * (1 + rand(3))) + [:rails_or_component, :movement_suffix]
    ret = e.expand(r)
    e[:movement] ||= ret
    ret
  end

  movement_prefix.is any(%w[Neo Para Sur Pata Super Meta Post Anti Non Cyber])

  movement_suffix.is "Coder" | "Developer" | "Maintainer" | "Monkey" | "Believer"

  rails_or_component.is any(%w[Rails RAILS ROR Ror ActionController ActiveRecord 
                               ActiveSupport])

  points.is {[:point] * (4 + rand(6))}

  point.is  {|e| [e[:pointnum] += 1, ". ", :statement, "\n"]}

  statement.define do
    is :big_thing, " ", "is dead" | "is gone" | "failed", "; " | ", ",
      :is_dead_explanation | [:qualifier, " ", :is_dead_explanation], "."
    is :big_thing, " is ", :pointless, "."
    is :big_thing, " cannot exist" | " is unstable" | " is fragile" | 
                   " will collapse", "."
    is :big_thing, " is nothing more than ", :mere_thing, "."
    is "there is no ", :nonbearable, "."
    is :those_who, " ", :do_silly_thing, " are ", :neg_qual_pl, "."
    is :those_who, " ", :do_silly_thing, " are ", 
       "" | [:qualifier, " "], :what_people_are, "."
    is :we, " are ", "" | ["only" | "just" | "simply", " "], 
       :what_people_are, "."
    is :big_guy, " is ", :what_big_guy_is, "."
    is :big_guy, " ", :what_big_guy_does, "."
    is [:big_guy, " says that " | " once said "] | 
       ["according to ", :big_guy, ", "], 
       :statement, " ", 
       ["And I ", "believe it." | "agree." | "concur."] | "I agree." | 
        "I concur." | "I also think that."
    13.times { is :tech_statement } # increased weight
  end

  qualifier.is "actually" | "in fact" | "definitely" | "most certainly" | 
               "probably"

  we.is "we" | [:movement, "s"]

  those_who.is "those who" | ["the ", :what_people_are_2, " who"]
  
  pointless.is "inconsequential" | "pointless" |"a myth" | "an illusion" |
               "a foolish dream" | "a fantasy" | "unattainable" |
               "delusional" | "not worth it"

  do_silly_thing.is ["believe that ", :silly_belief] |
                    ["seek " | (:adverb | " seek ") | "look for ", :ideal_attr] |
                    ["want to find " | "seek ", :ideal_attr, " in ", :big_thing] |
                    :use_or_do_non_rails

  # continued ...

  adverb.is "actively" | "constantly" | "primarily" | "proactively" | "only" | "always" |
            "never" | "simply" | "just"

  silly_belief.define do
    is :big_thing, " will save ", :big_thing
    is :big_thing, " will enable ", :big_thing
    is :big_thing, " is ", :beneficial
    is "there's a meaning to ", :big_thing
  end

  beneficial.is "transcendent" | "liberating" | "independent" | "free" | "unlimited" | "beneficial"

  neg_qual_pl.is "fools" | "idiots" | "unDRY" | "sick" | "doomed" | "stupid" |
                       "mistaken" | "liars" | "unworthy" | "silly" | "crazy"

  what_big_guy_does.define do
    is "owns me ", "shit" | "nothing" | "everything"
    is "surpasses" | "went beyond" | "goes beyond" | "outperformed", " ",
       :non_ror_big_guy
    is "made ", :non_ror_big_guy, " irrelevant"
    is "invented" | "redefined", " ", :big_thing
    is :kills_or_deprecates, " ", :big_thing | :non_rails_sw
  end

  what_big_entity_does.define do
    is "made ", :non_rails_sw, " irrelevant"
    is :kills_or_deprecates, " ", :big_thing | :non_rails_sw
  end

  what_big_guy_is.is "God" | "DRY" | "HOT" | "right" | "cool" |
    [:pos_pers_comparison, :non_ror_big_guy]

  pos_pers_comparison.is "smarter than " | "greater than " | 
                         "more humble than " | "more DRY than " |
                         "hotter than " | "sexier than "
                     
  non_ror_big_guy.is "God" | "Ghandi" | "Larry Page" | "Sergey Brin" |
                     "Bill Gates"

  big_thing.is any(%w[performance scalability flexibility vendor-independence
                      reliability fault-tolerance technology programming
                      design unit\ testing maintainability DB\ independence
                      CRUD static\ typing duck-typing AJAX])

  mere_thing.is "noise" | ["the background noise of ", :big_thing] |
                "a stupid game" | "a bad joke" | "an obscene jest"

  big_guy.is "DHH" | "Fowler" | "David Hansson" |
             "David Heinemeier\ Hasselhoff" | "David Heinemeier Hansson" | 
             "Steve Jobs"
  big_entity.is "37signals" | "Apple"

  nonbearable.is any(["end to the ", :endless_thing], 
                     *%w[escape free\ lunch spoon hope recovery Maxwell's\ Demon])

  endless_thing.is :endless_thing2 | ["continuum of ", :endless_thing2]
  endless_thing2.is "monotony" | "recursion" | "redundancy" | "typing"

  is_dead_explanation.define do
    is [:big_thing, " killed it"] | "it didn't scale" | "it crashed" | 
       "it failed"
    is "it's unDRY" | "it's so Web 1.0" | "it's so 90s"
    is "it was ", :pointless
  end

  what_people_are.define do
    is :neg_qual_pl
    is :what_people_are_2 | [:what_people_are_2, " who think they are ", :human_adj]
    is "victims of " | "enslaved by " | "subjugated by ", :big_thing
  end

  what_people_are_2.is "automata" | "drones" | "codemonkeys" | "sheeps" | "puppets"

  human_adj.is "conscious" | "free" | "intelligent" | "self-aware" | "cool" | "in"

  ideal_attr.is "coherency" | "consistency" | "symmetry" | "meaning" | "truth" |
                "peace" | "knowledge" | "performance" | "scalability" | 
                "maintainability" | "reliability"

  non_rails_sw.is "J2EE" | "Java" | "C++" | "PHP" | "C#" | "Django" | "Grails"

  use_or_do_non_rails.is ["use ", :non_rails_sw] | 
                         [("wrote " | "designed " | "engineered " | 
                           "developed " | "conceived " | "created " | "made "),
                          :non_rails_sw]

  tech_statement.define do
    is :rails_concept | :rails_or_component, " ", :is_the_shit, "."
    is  :rails_concept | :rails_or_component, " ", :is_the_shit, 
      " because it " | ", for it ", ["redefined ", :big_thing] | 
      ["made ", :big_thing, " ", "possible" | "fun" | "practical" | "easy"], "."
    5.times{ is :rails_or_concept_redefs_stuff } # increase weight
    is :rails_or_component, " ", :is_ready, "."
    is :rails_concepts, " ", :are_the_shit, "."
    is :rails_concepts, " ", :are_ready, "."
    is :non_rails_sw, " is ", :abstract_negative_qual, "."
    is :non_rails_sw, " is ", :mere_thing , " compared to ", :rails_or_component, "."
    is "as for " | "if you ask me about " | "I've been told about " | 
       "I've heard about ", :non_rails_sw, ", ", :is_dead_explanation, "."
    is :mac_stuff, " ", :is_the_shit, "."
  end

  rails_concept.is "connection pooling" | "CRUD" | "DRY" | "has_many" |
                   "has_many_and_belongs_to" | "has_many_and_belongs_to" |
                   "belongs_to" | "url_for" | "link_to_remote" |
                   "render_to_string" | "RJS" | "ERB" | "Mongrel" | "caching" |
                   :find_by_something |
                   :rails_testing | :acts_as_something | :validates_something

  rails_testing.is "functional" | "integration" | "acceptance" | "unit", " testing"

  rails_concepts.is "partials" | "associations" | "helpers" | "views" | "models" |
                    "controllers" | "plugins"

  acts_as_something.is "acts_as_ferret" | "acts_as_authenticated" | 
                       ["acts_as_", :neg_qual]

  neg_qual.is any(%w[fool idiot asshole])

  validates_something.is "validates_uniqueness_of" | "validates_length_of" | 
                         "validates_format_of"

  rails_or_concept_redefs_stuff.is :rails_concept | :rails_or_component, 
    " ", :kills_or_deprecates, " ", :big_thing | :non_rails_sw, "."

  find_by_something.is{
    fields = %w[name birthday cat_name phone_number address age sex].sort_by{rand}
    "find_by_" + fields[0, 1 + rand(fields.size)].join("_and_")
  }

  kills_or_deprecates.is "redefines" | "casts a shade of doubt over" | "deprecated" |
    "will kill" | "killed" | "enables" | "allows me to ignore" |
    "will save" | "signifies the end of" | "gives a new meaning to"

  mac_stuff.is "OSX" | "iPhone" | "TextMate" | "Safari" | "Dashboard"
                   
  is_the_shit.is "is the shit" | "rules" | "rocks" | "owns" | "scales" | 
                 "allows to serve #{5+rand(20)}M hits a day"
  are_the_shit.is "are the shit" | "rule" | "rock" | "own" | "scale" | 
                 "can help support #{10+rand(40)}M requests a day"

  is_ready.is "is enterprise-ready" | "is stable" | "is mature" | 
              ["is an improvement over ", :non_rails_sw] | "is ready" | "delivers" | 
              ["is as mature as ", :non_rails_sw]
  are_ready.is "are enterprise-ready" | "are stable" | "are ready" | "deliver"

  abstract_negative_qual.is any(%w[futile pointless overrated weak\ sauce uncool 
                                   so\ Web\ 1.0])
end

seed = (ARGV[0] || rand(100000000)).to_i
$stderr.puts "Seed: #{seed}"
srand(seed)
generator.static_check
puts generator.generate